The gift of kindness …

Have you ever been the recipient of a gift of kindness?  How did that make you feel?  Have you ever been the giver of the gift of kindness?  How did that make you feel?

This past Monday was my Dad’s 102nd birthday and in order to celebrate it I took him out for dinner.  We headed to our local Olive Garden restaurant and were seated at a lovely table by the window.  When our server arrived to take our order, I mentioned to her that my father was 102 and we were celebrating his birthday.  She acknowledged the event with congratulatory words to my Dad and then went to serve other tables in our section of the restaurant.

Several tables away from us sat a family who were just finishing their meal. As they got up they made their way to our table, congratulated my father on is 102nd birthday, wished him all the best and then the Mom of the family gave my Dad a hug and wished him a blessed year.  I asked how they knew about his birthday – the Mom indicated that our server let them know as she was so excited to be serving someone who was 102!  The first gift of kindness at our celebration dinner – an excited server sharing a story which in turn caused people to stop and offer congratulations, a hug and a blessing!

Then came time for dessert and our server indicated that my Dad could have anything he wanted as she would cover the cost of it for him!  A second gift of kindness.

Finally it was time to leave and as I asked for the bill, the server indicated that the manager had decided to cover my Dad’s meal as a gift to him.  A third gift of kindness.

When my Dad asked to meet the manager to thank her, she arrived at the table over joyed to meet him.  My Dad thanked her and expressed how it meant so much to him that perfect strangers would be so gracious and kind.

Then as we left the restaurant, the manager asked her staff to line up and open all the doors for my Dad so he could feel a little like royalty.  Well, my Dad said that he did feel like royalty and he even  seemed a little taller behind his walker as he headed out of the restaurant to the cheers of the staff.  A fourth gift of kindness.

Such simple gestures, yet they not only made my Dad’s birthday even more of a celebration but were gestures that honored him.

In this day and age when the most vulnerable among us sometimes get ignored rather than celebrated … remember that gifts of kindness can be the best gifts to give!!!

I think that is why in Galatians 5:22 … kindness is listed as a gift of the Spirit!

Who can you give a gift of kindness to today?

New season for BUgirl …

As many of you may know, Beautiful Unique Girl Ministry took a sabbatical to hear what God had to say about where the ministry should go. Our answer was that we were to move online with resources for young women and those who love them to use!  So, we started in 2015 by making 12 episodes of the Beautiful Unique Girl TV show and hope that HOPE TV  (no pun intended) will air it later in 2016!

This TV show includes testimonies of young women who have struggled with a variety of issues and have seen how God has intervened in their lives in the midst of these issues. The shows also have a teaching component to them on a particular topic … Heather Boersma (a former BUgirl intern) does these … and then there is music, drama, dance, slam poetry and other artistic expressions from a variety of young women which speak into the theme of the show.

However, we realize that not everyone will access HOPE TV so we are also posting the teaching segments on YOUTUBE and not only can you watch them, or use them with friends of yours, your youth group, Sunday School class, etc.  Here is the link for them …

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs5JwJldIqIMvwHyA4EnkEA

Later in 2016 we will post the entire TV episodes on YOUTUBE and then in 2017 we hope to do some regional live events with BUgirl.

We are excited about the direction God has led the ministry of Beautiful Unique Girl and hope you are as well!

Feel free to contact us at … info@bugirl.com

Pure In Heart

The first time Lisa fell in love she was seventeen years old.  She met Carter while counseling at bible camp and he was fun, adventurous and loved God.  Purity was important to her and she made a commitment to remain sexually pure in their relationship.  However during their three-year relationship, the idea of emotional purity never crossed her mind.  Maybe if it had, she wouldn’t have ended up with a broken heart.

When the word purity comes up it usually relates to the idea of physical or sexual purity.  Many teens commit to purity and demonstrate it by wearing a ring or a necklace.  The line, “true love waits” is well known among many Christian and non-Christian youth. But what does it look like to be emotionally pure in a dating relationship? Is it even important?  Is it something God cares about or mentions in His word?

Matthew 5:8 says, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”. 

What does it mean to be “pure in heart”?  To understand this verse we need to clarify what the word “heart”means.  In the bible, the heart often represents three things: our mind, will and emotions.  This is where the idea of emotional purity comes from.  God has actually called us to be pure in our emotions and what better place to start than in our dating relationships?  What is more emotional than dating a guy? 

When Lisa fell for Carter, she set out clear physical boundaries for their relationship, but she didn’t set out any emotional boundaries.  She wore her heart on her sleeve, sharing all of her deepest thoughts and feelings with him right away.  This is very easy to do when a relationship begins because everything is so new and exciting.  But if we want to remain “pure in heart”, we need to ask ourselves, “What is my motivation for sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with this person?”  If our motivation is to push the relationship forward before its ready, or to find acceptance and belonging in a guy’s affirmation, maybe pouring our hearts out isn’t the best idea.  In Lisa’s situation, her motivation was rooted in insecurities about her value and identitythat she wasn’t taking to God.  When Carter ended the relationship, her heart was completely crushed because she did not guard it along the way.

Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life”. 

God knows our hearts are fragile which is why He instructs us to guard them as well as keep them pure.  There are many ways to set up emotional purity boundaries in your dating relationship that could save you from a broken heart like Lisa’s. Here are three of them:

1. Patience: Don’t Go too Far, too Fast

Though the phrase “too far, too fast” usually refers to the physical aspect of a relationship, these words can be applied to the emotional aspect as well.  In fact, because every human is physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, it makes sense that all of these areas should be in balance with one another.  If we reveal too much of our hearts too soon, its likely that we’ll end up feeling tempted to move forward physically too soon.  So try to hold back – play a little hard to get.  As the girl, you have the luxury of sitting back and allowing the guy to work for your affection!  Most guys actually enjoy this challenge and when we put everything out there on the first date, we actually rob them of the experience of winning us over, or just scare them off.  Every relationship is different, but a good way to stay in check is to ask your self, “Why do I want to reveal more of my emotions to this guy?”  If your motivation comes from of a place of insecurity or impatience it’s probably a good idea to wait.  In the case of Carter and Lisa, she rushed ahead because she was impatient and wanted to control the relationship rather than trust God with it.  There was even and small part of her that doubted he was really the guy God had for her, but she ignored that little voice and rushed ahead even faster because of it. 

2. Growing Trust: Reveal More as You Trust More

Growing trust takes time and you can love someone without trusting them completely.  I’ll say that again: You can love someone without fully trusting them.  How is this possible?  The bible instructs us to love everyone but it doesn’t instruct us to trust everyone.  So as you grow in your dating relationship, just because you feel you love the person doesn’t mean you should trust them with your heart.  Trust takes time.  It’s built when your boyfriend tells you something about himself and then, over time, you actually observe that thing to be true in his life.   Like when He tells you he’ll always be there for you, ask him to go with you to visit your Grandma in the hospital and see if he actually comes.  When you see his character confirmed in the way he speaks andlives, trust begins to grow and as it grows more you can reveal more of your heart – your thoughts, feelings and dreams – knowing you are safe to do so.  Carter told Lisa that he was trustworthy, but she didn’t wait for him to show it in his actions before giving her heart to him.  In the end, he wasn’t who he said he was and her heart was hurt because of it.

3. Hidden in God: Pursuing God while being Pursued

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her” ~Max Lucado.  This quote by Max Lucado points out the most important thing we can do to remain emotionally pure – hide our hearts in God.  But what does it mean to have a heart hidden in God?  It means that our first priority, our number one goal is to know God more.  It means we pour out our hopes, dreams, fears and doubts to Him first.  It means we turn to God for comfort, assurance, security and purpose before turning to another.  In doing this, we truly guard our hearts.  God loves you more than any man, even your future husband, will be able to.  He wants to speak words of affirmation, life and truth over you – words that will strengthen and protect your heart.  It says in Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever”.  God wants you to remain emotionally pure because He doesn’t want you to get hurt.  But sometimes we do fail in this area and our hearts are broken like Lisa’s was.   Know that God can heal your broken heart and strengthen it once again if you bring it to Him. 

 Two years after Lisa’s relationship with Carter ended she met Jack.  Jack was a godly young man who pursued Lisa and treated her like the princess she was.  But Lisa didn’t rush ahead this time and because her heart was hidden in God, Jack had to pursue God in order to win her over.  And when He did, she knew that no matter how much she loved Jack, she would always to go to God first, to be the strength of her heart and her portion forever.

5 Tips for a Great New Year

Welcome to 2014! It’s exciting to think of all the possibilities of the upcoming year and it’s fun to pray and dream and plan. But it’s also a little overwhelming and I can’t help but feel this intense pressure to come up with the perfect resolutions, and make sure my year’s not a huge flop.

The more I think and pray about 2014, the more I feel God telling me not to get overwhelmed with the New Year’s hype. He’s reminding me that “many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” (Proverbs 19:21)

So instead of coming up with the perfect word or verse or list of goals for this year, I’m looking to Jesus. If Jesus were to have made a goals for His time on earth, what they would they have been? After looking at the gospels and the life of Christ, here are five tips.

5 Tips for a great New Year 

1. Make a plan, and then be willing to throw out the plan.  

I’m a go-er and a do-er and I enjoy making a plan. But I’ve learned that somtimes we have to ditch the plan, when God asks us to. This year is going to throw us some curve balls and the things we’d hoped to do might not happen. But if we’re willing to throw out our plan and go where God leads us, we’ll still get to do and see amazing things. Jesus said He only did what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19), and this meant He was willing to change the plan (Matt 20:29-34).

2. Ask “how?” instead of “why?”

Lately I’ve found myself asking a lot of why questions, especially on the hard days. “Why am I in this season right now?” “Why don’t I have time for myself?” “Why do I feel lonely?”  I can tell you that these kinds of questions are getting me no where. This year let’s ask “how” instead of “why”. “How can I make the most of the season I’m in right now?” “How can I make more time for myself?”
How can I make new friends?”  Suddenly instead of feeling stuck, we can find solutions for our problems. 

3. If it’s not about love, don’t do it.

Our number one goal should always be closeness with God – period. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God with ALL your heart, soul, mind and strength. How often do we make goals and plans to further our own success, and forget all about seeking God, and loving others? I’m only saying it because I struggle with this too. Jesus wasn’t about power or popularity, status or success. He was about laying down His life, humbling himself, and looking out for the weak. Maybe we need to take some time to look over our goals and ask if they are driven by love.

4. Know that you are ALREADY loved, valued and accepted.

If you accomplish absolutely nothing this year, God will still love you. You are His daughter no matter what you do or don’t do. You are so valuable to Him that He gave EVERYTHING for you – not because He knew you would return the favor, simply because He didn’t want to lose you. Let’s not spend a year working for something we already have. Enjoy His love and out of the overflow, freely live and give.

5. Remember that people are more important than plans.

How many of our goals are about us, and how many are about helping others? If Jesus were to have a list of resolutions I don’t think too many of them would have been about himself. I do think they would’ve included rest, and staying connected to the Father, but other than that I think they would’ve been about loving the people He crossed paths with each day. This doesn’t mean I won’t work on getting healthy, or learning a new skill, but rather, as I do those things I’ll try to reach out to the people around me.

I don’t have it all together and my prayer is that this list won’t make you feel bad, but excited! You are so loved and more than anything else, God is after your heart. He wanted your heart on the last day of 2013 and He’ll want it just as much on the last day of 2014. Jesus is excited to have us partner with Him to accomplish God’s plans Let’s not forget HIS goals and the incredible invitation we’ve been given to work with Him this year.

What is one way you hope to grow this year?

Heather Boersma – Creative Media Contributor

What to do with a Broken Heart

I have a crazy first kiss story.  I’ve never heard one quite like mine before.  It involved a sunset, a beautiful lake, a bridge and an adventurous guy.  He was my first kiss and my first heartbreak.

I was a teenager the summer I met him.  I was drawn to him immediately.  He was confident, fun, good-looking and loved God.  And even though he seemed a bit immature, I overlooked his faults and fell in love.It’s not hard to see how I fell so hard for him.  He was romantic and loved to surprise me with tickets to musicals – even though he hated them, fires in the forest in the middle of winter or cuddling in a hammock on our own private island.  The first time he said “I love you” I was sure he was the man I was going to marry.

But a year and a half later our relationship came to a screeching halt.  He decided to move to the mountains to pursue his passion for skiing and I went to visit him for a week.  I drove 16 hours to see him and when I arrived it snowed 100 cm.  Now that wouldn’t mean much to the average guy, but to him it was like a dream come true.  And instead of skiing with me, he ditched me for the fresh powder and said he’d see me when the chair lift closed.

When I arrived home a week later, he called and told me it was over.

My heart was crushed. I loved him and thought he loved me too.  But when I asked why he didn’t love me anymore, he said he’d only ever meant it “as a friend”.

The weeks and months following that phone call were some of the most difficult in my life.  I felt like my life had no purpose anymore and as though God had abandoned me. I was hopeless, depressed and unable to let go of all we had shared.  But I did survive it and you can too.  Here are three things that helped heal my broken heart.

Feel the Pain: It’s like pulling off a Band-Aid – the quicker the better.  It hurts a lot right away, but is less painful in the long run.  Those first few weeks after the break up I cried almost every hour.  I allowed myself to really feel the pain of having my heart broken by the one I loved.  And because I did I was able to get over it faster.  Don’t bottle all your emotions up.  Let them out so you can move forward and not live in the hurt forever.

Bring it to God: When we go through heartbreak it feels like no one understands the depth of our pain.  But God does.  And he wants to be the one to help you through it.  Isaiah 61:1 says “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives.” God wants to put the broken pieces of your heart back together.  Bring your pain to him.  Tell him how you feel and allow him to give you his peace that passes all understanding.  If anyone knows heart break, it’s God.  Think of how he feels every time one of his children sins against him.

Be set Free: The thing that caused me to stay in that relationship and to feel so hopeless when it was over was my insecurity.  I was afraid to be alone.  I didn’t think anyone else would ever love me if he couldn’t.  That insecurity held me captive, like a prisoner in a jail cell.  When I was really able to let go of my heartbreak was when God set me free from my insecurity.  Ask God to show you why you’re hurting and allow him to set you free from it.  Whether it’s fear of being alone, or guilt from choices you made, God wants to release you from it.  “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1

I hope that you never have to go through heartbreak like I did.  It took me many years to really heal from it and even now I think about the past and the mistakes I made.  But God is so faithful and He wants to help you heal.  Allow yourself to feel the pain, bring it to God and be set free from it.  If you do, not only will he heal you but he’ll use everything Satan meant for evil, for your good!  That is the goodness and grace of God.

Heather Boersma, Creative Media Contributor

I Was Bullied

It started in grade three when a new girl came to our school. We’ll call her C. C was outgoing, fun, pretty and everyone wanted to be her friend – me most of all. We sat beside each other in class and started walking home from school together.

C and I were a lot alike. We both liked to talk and we both liked being the center of attention. Except when C realized that some of the kids paid more attention to me than her, she started spreading rumors. She lied and told the other kids that I stunk, that I was gross, and that they shouldn’t play with me at recess. And her influence was strong enough that pretty soon I was spending every recess alone.

I remember the spot I’d go to when I had no one to play with at recess…an old garbage can tipped over at the edge of the field. As soon as the recess bell rang I’d walk straight there, plop myself down in the snow with my head resting on the bin and cry.

In class, kids started calling me Heather dweeb (my last name was Wiebe) and boys bugged me about not having developed a chest yet (this was in grade 4 and 5!!!).  One day the teacher was talking about the theory that the world was flat and I pipped up “but the earth isn’t flat!” and one of the cool boys in my class yelled out “but you are!”.  Everyone laughed. It’s silly now, but it stung.

After four years of being bullied, rejected and picked on in Elementary school, I begged my parents to send me to a private Christian school for Jr. High. For some reason I thought that would solve all of my problems. They agreed and I hoped for a new start.

Except it just began all over again, with a new set of kids, some even more harsh than the others had been. The girls I tried to befriend ignored me, gossiped about me and told me I couldn’t sit with them at lunch.  I wondered what was so wrong with me.

Was a really that detestable?

This continued throughout grade 7, bringing me to my lowest point, midway through grade 8. I was at home on a school night and the phone rang.  I picked up and it was one of my friends from church (I had made a few close friends at my youth group that year, my only reprieve from the bullying at school). I was happy to hear her voice and we starting chatting. Suddenly three other voices chimed in and I realized it was a 5-way conference call with my small group from church. But instead of it being a fun conversation between girlfriends, it turned sour fast.

The girls hadn’t called to chat about the sleepover we were planning for the weekend.  They were calling to read me a list.  It was a list they had written together.

A list of all of the reasons they hated me and didn’t want me to be in their group anymore. As they read it to me they laughed.

The phone slipped from my hand and crashed to the floor.

My heart shattered into a million pieces. I’d never been so hurt in my life.  And the saddest thing of all is I believed every horrible word they said.

I believed the lies they spoke were true, and that I was undeserving of loving, caring friends.

Over the next few years I was mentored by an amazing women from church and through her influence, realized I needed to stop caring so much about what others thought.  Instead of trying so hard to be popular and liked, I needed to go to God for the love and acceptance.  I took her words to heart.

I fell in love with Jesus and He transformed me.  He took an insecure, striving teenaged girl and turned her into a confident young women.

But not confident in myself and my own abilities.  Confident in who HE HAD MADE ME TO BE.  Confident in the one who died for me and now lived inside of me.

Christ-Confident.

Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Have you ever been bullied? Or been a bully? Remember that God made you, He loves you, and that makes you good enough.

Heather Boersma, Creative Media Contributor

Resources for Teen Girls

Maybe you’re reading this because you’re a teen girl who has attended one of our events. Or maybe you’re a parent of a teen girl, or a youth pastor or volunteer looking for some resources. Either way, this post is for you. We’ve be scouring the web to find the best resources for you and here are a few of them.

 

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Online Magazines:

Sisterhood Magazine: http://www.sisterhoodmagazine.com/Home

CCM Magazine: http://www.ccmmagazine.com

Books:

Annie Downs – Speak Love: http://www.anniedowns.com

 Emily P. Freeman – Grace for the Good Girl: http://www.chattingatthesky.com/the-books/grace-for-the-good-girl/

 Christine Caine – Undaunted Student Edition: http://store.womenoffaith.com/undaunted-student-edition.html

Brett Ullman – Relationships, Media, Self-Injury. http://www.worldsapartstore.org

General Resources for Teens:

Worlds Apart – Christian Resources: http://www.worldsapart.org/christian-support.html

Over the next few months we will be posted more resources that deal with specific issues teen girls face. If you have a topic you’d like for us to cover, feel free to leave a comment or send us an email.  

 

Fall Fashion Fail

Summer is over.

I know it’s a hard to accept, but unfortunately it’s true.

On the bright side, it’s time to pull out your cozy sweaters, fun scarves and fall boots. Whenever the seasons change and I put away my summer clothes and pull out my cooler weather wear, it feels like Christmas morning. All those fun clothes I forgot I had!

But sometimes I can’t help but want more. The latest trends worn by my favourite celebs or the stylish girl at school call to me as I walk through the mall. And suddenly all those clothes that were hidden in the back of my closet look out-dated and boring.

The truth is, you are so much more than your clothes.

There is so much pressure on us as girls to look and dress a certain way and it can start to feel like we are only as cool as our clothes. Like maybe people won’t like us as much, or think we are as interesting if we don’t have the latest and greatest fashion.

This is a lie!

The truth is our value has nothing to do with what we wear, and everything to do with who God says we are.

He says we are beautiful.

He says we are wonderfully made.

He says we are worth it.

What makes us more beautiful than the perfectly put-together outfit, is the way we treat others. The most attractive quality we can posess is to be more focused on loving others than worrying about ourselves. When we do this, not only are we obeying Gods’ word, but we are also shining the light of Jesus. Have you ever seen a light shining on a summer night, and noticed how that light attracts every little insect? This is what will happen to you too.

When you stop worrying about yourself and how you look, and start focusing on shining Gods’ light to others, you will naturally attract people to yourself.

So this fall, instead of worrying about fashion and the latest trends, why not focus on sharing Gods’ love and light with those around you. I can gaurantee this kind of love is more attractive than the cutest outfit you could ever buy at the mall.

Heather Boersma, Creative Media Contributor

We Live in an iphone, ipad, ipod World

We drove out of the parking lot and onto the street.  I grabbed my purse and opened the side pocket which always held my phone, but it wasn’t there.

“Can I use your phone, Alex?” I reached for his Blackberry.

“Sure.”

After finishing my call I commented on how nice the phone was compared to the cheap-o I have.
“Ya Blackberry’s are nice, but not as nice as ipad’s, I mean, ipods…u phones”.

We both laughed as he struggled to remember the right name.

“iphones?”

“That’s the one.”

In that moment I was reminded again how selfish our society has become.  Everything, even the name of the most popular cell phones, computers and mp3 players, is all about “I” rather than “You”. They’re not called “you phones” for a reason.

It struck me in a particular way this morning as I’ve been working through some challenges with close friends.  This past two months have been such a busy time for me, and as a result I have let down some important people in my life.  The problem is, I’ve been focused on “I” and not “You”. This is easy to do when our lives become busy, stressed, emotional, etc.  However, as I mentioned in the last two posts, stress is not from God and worry is actually a sin.  And the result of most sin is that it hurts not only the sinner, but the people around the sinner.  That is what I’m experiencing.

A few of my friends don’t feel loved because I’ve been too busy to show them care.  That breaks my heart.
I don’t want the relationships in my life to suffer because I’m not taking the time to give my burdens and worries to God.  When was Jesus ever stressed to the point that relationships weren’t his priority?  Yes, he took time to rest, alone and away from the crowd, but he didn’t focus on all of his own needs at the expense of the needs of his friends.

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

 

Heather Boersma, Creative Media Contributor

What does God think about you?

“How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.” – Psalm 139:17-18

I walked up to the group of girls in the cafeteria who were standing in a circle talking. Most of them were my friends so I wasn’t nervous, but as I got closer a few of them looked over, and their conversation stopped.  Suddenly I had that feeling. You know the one, don’t you? It’s that feeling you get when you know people have been talking about you. That icky feeling that makes you want to run away and hide from the world. I had that feeling a lot in Jr. High.

Being accepted by my friends was the most important thing to me. I wanted to fit it, to be liked, and to know what others thought about me. The problem was that I didn’t always fit in, I wasn’t well-liked, and sometimes I don’t think my “friends” thought very nice thoughts about me.

I cared so much about what other people thought, but didn’t really spend any time trying to figure out what God thought.
Can you relate to my story? Do you ever worry about what your friends think of you? Does it bother you if someone in your class or on your team doesn’t seem to like you? If you struggle with this, guess what? You’re normal! We all worry about these kind of things.

But the Bible says we should put more value on what God thinks about us than what the world thinks. And Psalm 139 is a great place to read about what God thinks of you.

Psalm 139:17-18 says that God’s thoughts about us “outnumber the grains of sand”. How crazy is that? Just imagine trying to count the grains of sand on one beach. It would be impossible! Yet God cares about you and loves you so much, that for every grain of sand on the whole planet, He has a good thought about you.

If this is really true, then why do we spend SO much time worry about what other people think? Instead, let’s take time to ask God what He thinks and pay more attention to His words than the words of other people. If we do this, our confidence with grow bigger and our worry will shrink.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10

Heather Boersma, former BUgirl intern